winner, winner, chicken dinner

I found out today that I placed in a creative writing contest through my university's English department, which is pretty cool beans. A few of the other winners were from my creative writing class last semester, and honestly, that was really flattering; knowing what great writers they are, I feel pretty pleased to be included among their ranks.

Also, this means I can FINALLY stop obsessively re-writing the same story over and over again. Now that it's been published (or accepted or whatever) , it is done. I am not going to pull an Auden and go rewriting poems for years after I've published them. I've heard stories about howAuden would go over to friends' houses, find anthologies of his work, and start correcting his poems in the text, years after they'd been printed.

Though, in retrospect, Auden was pretty bad ass. There are worse authors to be compared too... Like Stephenie Meyer.

But hell, who am I kidding? I would totally write a vampire abstinence-fest if it would score me a four book deal and franchising rights.

Still, especially because this story was based on personal history (writing what you know can be really effing hard, btw), I found myself cutting and rewriting massive chunks every time I came back to it. There were huge discrepancies in voice simply because I've been working on it off an on since I was in highschool. Obviously its a good thing that my style has developed since I was seventeen, but it makes it hella hard to reconceptualize your family history while its staring at you in 12-point font and all you can think about is what a whiner you were in highschool.

I dont know if I'll ever want to write about family stuff again, if only because I know now that I've won something, I can't put off showing it too my family, and I'm worried they'll take it too literally. It was a personal essay four years ago, but its fiction now; the fine distinction makes me uncomfortable.

Now thats a problem I'm sure Meyer doesn't have.